交好朋友的方法:停止以自我为中心 | If You Want To Make GoodFriends, Stop Focusing On Yourself

If you want to be interesting, you have to be interested.” These are the famous words of my husband’s grandmother. She took conversation making seriously, and understood the golden rule of friendships — put into people what you want back.
如果你想变得吸引人,首先你得让人对你感兴趣”。这是我丈夫的奶奶的名言。她将对话看的非常重要,深知友情的金科玉律,即你想要别人如何对你,你就得如何对待别人

如果你想交好朋友,不要以自我为中心 If You Want To Make GoodFriends, Stop Focusing On Yourself

When it comes to making friends, we all pretty much understand the same principle applies: to have a friend, we know we have to be a friend. But sometimes this isn’t so straightforward, and is harder than it seems. It’s not that you aren’t trying — focusing on your efforts can undermine your relationship-building. People pick up on your negativity and your self-focus … and it’s a turn off.
对待交朋友这件事上,我们都非常的透彻的明白应该应用这样的同一个原则:要想交一个朋友,我们知道首先自己得是一个朋友。但是很多时候并不是如此直接,并且比看起来要难很多。这并不是因为你没有尝试,但仅仅关注于自己的努力将损害你建立友谊。人们开始慢慢了解你的缺点和你以自我为中心,然后关系开始转向。

Healthy people are ultimately drawn to happiness, and people that are kind. If you don’t seem happy or able to give and take, you’re not attracting the best people around you.
健康的人基本上都会被幸福所吸引,并且这样的人都非常好。如果你看起来不开心,或者无法互相让步和迁就,那么你将无法吸引你身边优秀的人向你靠拢。

Here are 3 ways thinking of others — instead of yourself — can help you turn the corner in developing more MEANINGFUL connections:
下面有三种方法来让你多为他人考虑,而不是你自己,这样能够帮助你的从自己的角落转向建立更多更有意义的联系。

1. You can actually trick yourself into(诱骗) actively seeking new friends.
1、诱骗自己为一个积极交往的人

For starters, it’s not like it used to be. Making friends is about putting in the effort(投入努力), and at times(有时) it can feel a bit like networking – not something most people like to do, even if it’s something we all have to do if we want to cultivate resilient social networks.
对于初学者来说,这与过去的方式不同。交朋友需要付出,并且有时候它感觉像建立关系网,并不是一件大多数人都喜欢做的事情,甚至就像一件我们为了培养弹性的社交网络而不得不做的事情。

New research from Harvard Business School suggests that taking the focus off of yourself entirely, and instead focusing on how you can help others or a valued cause can facilitate your willingness to participate.
哈佛商学院的最新研究显示,将注意力完全从自己身上移走,转移到你可以如何帮助他人或者任何值得做的事情上面,可以助长你的参与意愿。

2. You can deepen (or renew) your connection with the friends you already have.
2、加深(或者重新开始)与老朋友之间的联系

While this should go without saying(理所当然,不言而喻), being kind to others is universally well received by them. Not only do people appreciate being shown attention and understanding, but these efforts make an impact, distinguishing you from others who may not show friendship.
这本是理所当然的,对他人好是普遍都会被他人接受的。不仅是人们喜欢被关注和理解,还有这些努力会给人深刻的印象,将你同其他没有展现友情的人区别开来。

Instead of tracking what you are getting out of a friendship, try instead to track what is going on with the people in your life and how they are doing. Try putting yourself in their shoes and reach out to (接触,联系,把手伸向) them.
与其盯着看自己能够从一段友谊中得到什么,还不如好好看看这些人在你的生活中发生了什么以及他们是如何做的。试着将你自己放到他们的鞋子里,与他们建立联系。

To have a friend, after all, is to be a friend.
要想有一个朋友,毕竟,首先得自己是一个朋友。

3. You can benefit from better mental and physical health.
3、你的身心健康将受益良多

Science shows that kindness is not only a great way to cultivate relationships, but is good for your physical and mental health. Compassion and kindness have been linked to better physical health and longevity.
科学研究表明,友善并不只是培养关系的一个伟大方式,同时对你的身心健康也有好处。

Thinking about others is also good for our mental health, because when we are happier when we are kind, and we are kinder when we are happier.
多为他人着想同样对我们自己的心理健康也有好处,因为当我们善良的时候,我们会更快乐,并且当我们更加的快乐的时候,我们会更加善良。

Adopting a compassionate and caring mindset can have positive ripple effects on the people around you, the quality of your relationships, and most importantly, your physical and emotional health.
采用同情心和关心他人的思维模式,会给你周围的人带来正面的影响,包括你的关系质量,和更为重要的是你的生理和心理健康。

Thinking about others is not just a strategy for winning friends; it’s a strategy for nurturing the relationships we care about, as well as ourselves. Be more kind to the people around you and you might be surprised how full your social life will become.
多替他人着想不只是一个赢取朋友的手段,而是培养我们在乎的感情的策略,就像在乎我们自己一样。对你身边的人好一些,然后你会惊讶地发现你的社交生活会变得如此充实。

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