纽约时报文摘 | 迟暮的性爱,别样的风情

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I was messing around on the couch with an old boyfriend when he mentioned that he had a new sex med and that it was stashed in the fridge because it had to stay cold.
我在沙发上,跟我的一位老男朋友厮混,他跟我说他有了种新的助性药,因为得冷藏保存,现在搁在冰箱里。

This is the sort of info that brings things to a screaming halt, but feature writers like me don’t mind at all, because it is so weird.
这种讯息恐怕会让人冷不丁地失去性趣,可像我这样的特写作家根本就不介意,因为听起来实在太诡异了。

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“What?” I say. “I thought this stuff was just pills.”
“什么?”我问。“我还以为这类药都是药丸呢。”

“They’re new little pills,” the guy says. “You have to keep them cold.”
“是新的小药丸,”这个男人说。“你得把它们冷藏起来。”

“What if you have to travel with them?” I ask.
“可万一你要带着药出门呢?”我问。

“I put them in a plastic bag with two ice cubes,” he tells me.
“我就把它们放到塑料袋里,外面塞两块冰,”他告诉我。

“What if you’re Lawrence of Arabia, and you want to have sex in the desert?” I say.
“如果你是阿拉伯的劳伦斯,又想在沙漠里做爱,该怎么办?”我说。

We are both laughing.
我俩都哈哈大笑起来。

“You don’t get to have sex in the desert,” he says.
“在沙漠里就不能做爱咯,”他说。

I’ll tell you the truth. This is one of the things I like about middle-aged sex: the level of comfort required.
我得实话实说。这恰恰是我喜欢中年性爱的一方面事情:彼此需要的舒适度。

“I have diabetes and have to take these little pills, which in my case take a few hours to work, so you got to give me some notice before we pull off the highway.”
“我有糖尿病,非得吃这种小药丸才行,对我来说,吃了药得要过几小时才能起效,所以,在我们快马加鞭前,你得先知会我一下。”

“It’s been a while. I’m a little out of practice.”
“还得过一会儿。我技艺有点生疏了。”

“I’ve had breast cancer, and my new breasts, while spectacular, will be different from others you have known.”
“我得过乳腺癌,我的新乳房虽然蛮壮观的,不过跟你碰到过的别的乳房不大一样。”

The new breasts, by the way, are mine. I had breast cancer decades ago and kept my breasts, and wrote about the whole experience. When cancer cells popped up again in the same breast 21 years later, the options were fewer. Mine diminished even more when I had healing complications.
顺便说一句,这个新乳房是我的。几十年前我得了乳腺癌,保住了乳房,并且写下了全部经历。21年后,癌细胞在原发的乳房重新萌生,我面对的选项少得多了。再加上后来出现愈合并发症,选择变得微乎其微。

I was disappointed, though not surprised, when the plastic surgeon at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center told me I was not a candidate for nipple reconstruction. I remember very clearly the time it took to come to a mental accommodation. I had gotten into the elevator after leaving the surgeon’s office on the 10th floor, and the elevator floor numbers served as a kind of clock.
当纪念斯隆-凯特琳癌症中心(Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center)的整形外科医生告诉我,我并不符合乳头重建术的手术指征时,我很失望,不过这个结果并不意外。到现在我还清楚地记得自己花了多久,才从心理上接受了这个事实。我走出10楼的医生办公室,进了电梯,电梯上闪现的楼层数字,简直像是钟表一样。

Tenth floor: Damn it to hell, damn it. No nipples. That sucks.
10楼:真是见鬼。没有乳头。这太糟糕了。

Sixth floor: Of course, the new ones are beautiful. Like Barbie’s. And Barbie is beautiful.
6楼:当然了,新乳房会做得很漂亮。就跟芭比娃娃的一样。而且芭比确实很漂亮啊。

Fourth floor: I’ll just be beautiful in a new way.
4楼:换个新样子,我还会很美。

I was, too, especially as I was able to have these trick-the-eye nipple tattoos. But there was the problem of what to say when you are about to first get naked with a guy. I take this up with a shrink at Memorial.
我确实还很美,尤其是我还做了个乳头文身,足可以假乱真。可是,当你第一次跟一个男人赤裎相对时,该跟他说什么,这是个问题。在纪念医院,我跟一位心理医生谈到这个话题。

“You say, ‘I’ve had breast surgery, and I am a work of art in progress,’ ” she tells me.
“你就说,‘我接受了乳房手术,现在,我是件还在完善中的艺术作品,’”她告诉我。

I had to trim that “work of art” bit — it’s just not how I talk — but I use the gist.
我删掉了“艺术作品”这个词——我平时不是这么说话的——但采纳了中心思想。

“There’s something I have to tell you,” I say to the fellow, as things are about to heat up. “I’ve had breast cancer.”
“我得跟你说实话,”当我俩之间的情绪开始一点点升温时,我对他说:“我得了乳腺癌。”

“Yeah, I know,” he says. “I read your book.”
“是,我知道啊,”他说,“我读过你的书。”

“No, since then,” I say. “And I’ve had surgery. They’re really gorgeous. They have all this new stuff these days — it’s really interesting — but I haven’t, you know....”
“不是,在那之后又得了一次,”我说:“而且做了手术。效果真的非常棒,现在他们有各种新技术——真的挺有趣的——但我没有,你知道……”

“You’re telling me I’m the first person who’s going to see them?” he says. “I’m the first guy to see the new breasts? You chose me? I am really honored. “
“你是说,我是第一个看到它们的人?”他说,“我是第一个看到你这对新乳房的人?你选中了我?我真是太荣幸了。”

You see what I’m saying?
你明白我的意思了吗?

The first time I had sex, when I was a teenager and didn’t really know the guy though I thought I did? Deeply disappointing. The first time I had sex as a 65-year-old woman with a 66-year-old man, and we’d both had illnesses that could have killed us and left us scarred and that we had to talk about?
我第一次做爱,当时是个少女,我并不真的了解对方,却自以为已经十分了解。当时我的感觉如何?极度失望。而我作为一个65岁的女人,第一次和一个66岁的男人做爱,我们都身患有可能置我们于死地、在身体上留在疤痕,并且必须向对方告知的疾病,这时呢?

That was trust, that was intimacy, that was real connection.
我体会到了信任、亲密,以及真正的交融。

Joyce Wadler是《治愈:我患卵巢癌的故事》作者。

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